I have this idea that big life choices mostly get made a bit at a time. I have always had an over arching vision of what I wanted my life to look like but the details have just gotten filled in as I go along. It's not like we have unlimited options before us at any time. Usually it's just a few things and based on circumstances and what feels right, we make our choice. Then that leads to a new set of circumstances and new options. And we move forward in this way.
I like to think about what things might have been like if circumstances or options had been different. Not in a sad way, just in a curious I-have-a-rich-inner-life way. The other day I was wondering what other jobs I might have enjoyed doing, those that maybe I have a secret special talent for that just never got cultivated. These are my top five.
1. Gymnast
I'm super strong, flexible and focused. And you cannot underestimate the influence Mary Lou Retton had on this short brown haired girl in 1984, when I was 7. I'm learning that I'm a latent athlete. That is an adult that didn't get to participate in sports as a child for whatever reason, only to find out that they kind of kick ass at athletics. Anyway, gymnastics would have been sweet.
2. Investigative Journalist
I'd be lying if I didn't say I have some regrets about my academic choices in college. I should have been an English major and studied journalism. I would have been good at this, tracking down the truth, getting people to tell it to me. I'm sure I'd have been a real whippersnapper out there on the streets.
3. Spy
Everyone has a dark side. If I'd have gotten that gymnastics training and had a much more troubling childhood, I probably could have been one of those scary spies, the kind with no official name and that can kill you with a pen. Or a thumb. To be honest, I think I move through the world with a spy mentality. I have good instincts and I always know where the nearest exit is.
4. Detective
Are you seeing the common thread here? I'm tough and I want to seek truth and bust criminals. As I was graduating, I really was planning to pursue a career in law enforcement. I even went down to the central police station in Los Angeles and got myself an internship in the LAPD PR department. I was studying for the entrance exam too. But then I met Mr. T and it didn't take long for me to understand that love and family was a divergent path from law enforcement. I knew I would see things that would harden my heart and that was just not going to work if I wanted to make a family with this ridiculously happy guy. That was a good decision.
5. Singer
Singing was my thing growing up. I won a few contests and small scholarships. I participated in music at school and also had private teachers. But a series of events in my personal life during my high school years lead me away from that. I went through some hard things that made it very difficult for me to want to put myself out there like that. Plus the style of music I was doing just stopped being fun. It was pretty much classical. I was not pumped about singing in German. If I'd been more exposed to jazz and blues, I might have pursued it. While I'm not in a big hurry to perform publicly, I know I will again someday. For now, I'm just having a great time singing for my audience of one. W is so encouraging!
I like to think about what things might have been like if circumstances or options had been different. Not in a sad way, just in a curious I-have-a-rich-inner-life way. The other day I was wondering what other jobs I might have enjoyed doing, those that maybe I have a secret special talent for that just never got cultivated. These are my top five.
1. Gymnast
I'm super strong, flexible and focused. And you cannot underestimate the influence Mary Lou Retton had on this short brown haired girl in 1984, when I was 7. I'm learning that I'm a latent athlete. That is an adult that didn't get to participate in sports as a child for whatever reason, only to find out that they kind of kick ass at athletics. Anyway, gymnastics would have been sweet.2. Investigative Journalist
I'd be lying if I didn't say I have some regrets about my academic choices in college. I should have been an English major and studied journalism. I would have been good at this, tracking down the truth, getting people to tell it to me. I'm sure I'd have been a real whippersnapper out there on the streets.3. Spy
Everyone has a dark side. If I'd have gotten that gymnastics training and had a much more troubling childhood, I probably could have been one of those scary spies, the kind with no official name and that can kill you with a pen. Or a thumb. To be honest, I think I move through the world with a spy mentality. I have good instincts and I always know where the nearest exit is.4. Detective
Are you seeing the common thread here? I'm tough and I want to seek truth and bust criminals. As I was graduating, I really was planning to pursue a career in law enforcement. I even went down to the central police station in Los Angeles and got myself an internship in the LAPD PR department. I was studying for the entrance exam too. But then I met Mr. T and it didn't take long for me to understand that love and family was a divergent path from law enforcement. I knew I would see things that would harden my heart and that was just not going to work if I wanted to make a family with this ridiculously happy guy. That was a good decision.5. Singer
Singing was my thing growing up. I won a few contests and small scholarships. I participated in music at school and also had private teachers. But a series of events in my personal life during my high school years lead me away from that. I went through some hard things that made it very difficult for me to want to put myself out there like that. Plus the style of music I was doing just stopped being fun. It was pretty much classical. I was not pumped about singing in German. If I'd been more exposed to jazz and blues, I might have pursued it. While I'm not in a big hurry to perform publicly, I know I will again someday. For now, I'm just having a great time singing for my audience of one. W is so encouraging!
10 comments:
i love everything about this post. In a rich inner life way. Not a sad way :)
I TOO am realizing I have a little latent athleticism. Let's definitely ski together.
And you know, I too think I would have made an excellent spy - mostly because of my ability to talk my way out of anything and my scary good hearing.
Having studied English and journalism (and living Jean do it too) let me tell you it's been a ride but eh, I wish I had done things differently. Grass is always greener.
I love learning that you were thinking about the LAPD. Makes sense why you love Mr. D. Narcs united!
Finally, I wish to offer you this bit of advice about your singing: I too went through sad things in high school - similar but not the same obviously. I put away writing in large part because of it. Did it for school and work but not for myself.
Finding my voice again a few years ago has been transformative. Think it could be for you too.
Loving picturing you yodeling in German to your baby and maybe someday to me,
D
Like Diabolina, I love this post.
I do wonder about what I might have been able to do as an athlete. In high school, I was always totally committed to theatre, so I didn't have any time or instinct to try out for sports. When I was a senior, the football coach saw me walking by and said, "Who the hell are you?"
I said, "Um... I'm Ben."
"You've got great size. We could really use you on the football team. What year are you?"
"Senior."
"Dammit!"
And then he just walked away. In P.E., I was always among the best athletes in every sport we played. Now my sweet athletic talents are being used for bowling and kickball. I'll be interested to see how things go when I do the Trojan Flashback Camp next summer. I want to dominate!
-Mr. T, feeling a little aggro with his new haircut
Oh, and as you might have guessed from my last comment, I do wonder what would have happened if I had pursued acting. After all, I WAS Drama Student of the Year at my high school as a senior. It's just a short hop, skip and a jump from that to winning an Oscar, right?
It seems weird that I've never really heard you sing and you've never seen me on stage. Those were big parts of who we were growing up.
-Mr. T
Well, you've heard me sing a bunch, just not on stage. Which makes a big difference. And I've seen you act a bunch too. Act like a big baby, or like a PR professional, or like you care about the lame story I'm telling. Very convincing on all accounts. Again, different of course.
What?! I'm ALWAYS interested in every one of your stories.
-Mr. T
Now you're just a hop, skip and jump from that Oscar.
D - Thanks for the great comment. What would I do without you?
I was just practicing singing right now, to one of those Mom songs I blogged about. I had to stop to get super choked up. Love that kid. Pressing on now...
Hey, here's a plan. Let's go skiing and after a long day on the slopes, I'll yodel you to sleep.
ha.
I didn't know you could sing. If you make a biz trip to Vegas, I'm going to stuff a couple of cocktails in ya and ask you to sing fer me! Heehee
I'm going to echo everyone else here -- I LOVE THIS POST!
Oh... I always wanted to be singer!
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